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Kill Fear Before It Kills You
by Cheryl Swanson
How does one kill fear, I wonder? How do you shoot a specter through the heart, slash off its spectral head, take it by the spectral throat?“
-Joseph Conrad
She had the most intense gray eyes I’d ever seen. Her demeanor matched her eyes. A quality of total attention. A stillness. The consulting room was deathly quiet.
She looked at my husband, then at me. A small woman, long-fingered surgeon’s hands, a head too big for her body. She was the chief of Breast Surgery at the most respected teaching hospital in northern California. I could imagine her lecturing to medical students, admonishing arrogant residents to pay attention. Little did I know that I was going to come to both love and hate this small woman more than anyone I’d ever met in my life.
“You have breast cancer,” she said.
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