“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.”
When I was diagnosed with cancer, I had an epiphany. I had to start offending people, lots of people, or what would be left of my life after cancer wouldn’t be worth living.
Here’s why. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I was in the process of adopting an older child from a third world country with some specific vulnerabilities. There were no other options for this child. If I didn’t complete the adoption, they would grow up in a third-world country “government-supported” orphanage with no family ever visiting them. Was that even an option? Not if you know anything about relief work. Such a fate is a death sentence for any child with serious physical or mental vulnerabilities.
So when my breast surgeon doctor told me to stop the adoption, I refused. And told her it wasn’t her decision. Or business.
Then a minister and some church friends chimed in and told me I shouldn’t adopt. I should let it go. “God would provide.”
Of course, God already had provided a loving solution for this child. Me. That’s why God put us here, folks. Or your higher power, or whatever you believe in. That’s what it’s all about–manifesting God’s love in this world.
There were other people I offended. During chemo, I was told to buy a wig, or, for pity’s sake, at least cover my bald head with a scarf. (Bald is only beautiful in men, apparently.) A neighbor told me to accept that having cancer was my fault because I had bad thoughts. My oncologist sternly told me not to travel to other countries. Especially impoverished, dangerous countries. Well…I was adopting from one of those countries, you see. So nope. Another rule I was going to break. Another offense committed.
In the end, I offended a lot of people. And I’m still doing it, twenty years later. Here’s what I’ve discovered. When we’re not offending someone, we’re not being authentic. We’re letting fear of what others say or believe control us. And here’s what happens if/when we do that. Our own dreams and beliefs will fade into the sunset. And all those people we’ve allowed to tell us what to do? They’ll be the last to care.
I wrote about the compelling need to offend and the liberating joy it brings in my IPPY award book, “Busting Loose: Cancer Survivors Tell You What Your Doctor Won’t.” You’ll find excerpts from the book completely free by following me on Twitter. @uthorcdswanson (Just check out the articles under my Twitter profile.)
If you want to buy a copy, here’s a link to the ebook from Barnes and Noble. The old-fashioned tree-killer version is available on Amazon.
Meanwhile, offend someone. It will feel great. I promise.